


Butter Shoes

by Jeenius_the_Dork



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Sassy Hyrule, Time and his hover boots, Wild and Legend are little shits, this is so fucking stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-29 15:20:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20798768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeenius_the_Dork/pseuds/Jeenius_the_Dork
Summary: The boots never came off.





	Butter Shoes

Everyone always expected Time to be their serious leader that never had an ounce of fun in his ‘old’ bones. He had his small moments where he would lighten up but they were so infrequent it felt like a fever dream.

Little did they know how wrong they were.

It was all due to those awful boots. The boots that looked so much like the Pegasus boots but in reality gave Time the ability to hover in the air for a few seconds at a time, or to slide across any surface after he finished walking or running. 

For a shorter explanation they made him look stupid.

It was infuriating to watch. It was horrible to watch him slide across ice. It was the literal fucking worst. 

And no one knew how to stop him. No one.

Twilight could only watch in vain as his ancestor and mentor slid across the ground like a dumbass. No matter what he, or Wild or even Legend threw at the man he would never cease. It was like Time was in his own alternate world.

He was going to call it Termina because living with Time was essentially like purgatory currently.

“I hate him so much…” Wild whispered. How the fuck do you think it felt Wild?! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU THINK IT FELT TO BE RELATED TO THAT MONSTER?! Wild was lucky Warriors was his ancestor. Time was literally the worst, besides maybe Legend and Hyrule. Poor Hyrule.

They never even came off for a fight. If anything it made Time even more excited to be wearing them. You knew everything was going to shit when even the Lizalfoes stopped to watch a man in his early to mid thirties slip around a cliff side on his stupid boots in a horrible attempt to defeat them. The Moblins from Hyrule’s time even dropped their weapons to shrug at the hero whose blood they were so desperately after.

“Time please, Wild is dying! Take off the boots!” Legend pleaded despite the fact Wild was standing right beside him and in perfect condition in relativity to Wild. Nothing phased Time however the same couldn’t be said for Wild. Wild narrowed his eyes at the hero of Legend with a promise of war. If he wanted to play that game, they were going to play that game. Legend better be prepared. Wild was coming for him.

“WE NEED YOUR HELP TIME LEGEND IS GONE!” Wild screamed at Time. From under the Magic Cape everyone could hear Legend’s muffled empty threats upon Wild’s life.   
  
Time, surprisingly, stopped for a moment. Could this be it? Were they finally free?!   
  
“Good. I never liked him much anyways.” Time said before sliding away on his butter shoes once more.

There was a brief pause of silence before Twilight and Hyrule burst out laughing. The Magic Cape fell off Legend revealing his expression to be somewhere in between relieved and ready to start crying.

Hyrule clapped him on the shoulder, wiping away the tears of laughter in his eyes, trying to seem as reassuring as possible. “At least you know the truth now.”

A single tear rolled down the hero’s cheek.

While funny at first the boots were starting to become a major inconvenience. He  _ never _ took them off. Time was taking the joke so far they were unsure if it was even a joke anymore by this point. They honestly believed he was wearing the boots because he wanted to.

It was time to stage an intervention. Soon, soon they would put a stop to this ridiculousness.

And that moment happened far sooner than they ever could have imagined. Warriors was finished with this tomfoolery. It was time to regain their respected leader and ditch the fucking gremlin that lay in his wake. He was going to stop at  _ nothing _ to get the Time they knew back.

Sitting the man down, held back by Four and Twilight, Wind produced a spotlight and shone it down upon Time. 

“This has gone of long enough, Time. Take off the boots now. We need to be serious. The fate of the world rests on our hands and instead you’re slipping around on your stupid boots. We’ve had enough of this!” Warriors tried to reason with him.

“Counter argument. I don’t want to and I don’t abide by your rules.” Time replied.

In response Hyrule slapped Time across the face, leaning close to his ear, whispersing menacingly, “I’ve had to deal with Legend crying on my shoulder for five days straight. Either take off the boots or lose your legs entirely, bitch.”

A collective sigh of relief fell over the camp when Time reaches down to his dreaded boots and pulled them off. As he stowed the boots in his bag they could feel hope returning to them all. Finally, finally they could find peace. Hyrule could finally rest peacefully knowing Legend wouldn’t be crying on him over Time apparently hating him.

_ Gee I wonder why. _

That relief soon turned into dread moments later. Out of Time’s bag didn’t come his regular boots. No, he pulled out his Iron boots replacing the Hover boots. They all stared for a long moment. Hyrule could already feel the tears forming in his own eyes.

He would never be free.

“Dear Hylia, we’re doomed.” Sky sighed, sinking his face into the sailcloth before letting out a guttural scream.

He was right. They were all so royally fucked it wasn’t even funny. If the butter shoes were bad the heavy boots were the absolute worst.

The boots slowed Time down, and he already wasn’t the fastest thanks to his age. He still believed he could backflip wearing them, which only lead to disaster since he absolutely could not do it anymore. Everyone refused to give him a potion which lead to Hyrule relucatantly having to heal him with magic. The wandering hero grumbled the entire time, even further solidifying he was Legend’s successor and possible descendant...or that they were spending too much time together and someone needed to free Hyrule from his eternal hell.

And then there was the  _ sound. _ On patrol all they would hear from Time was the loud  ** _thunking_ ** of his boots as he walked around camp. No one could sleep thanks to them. Not even Sky, the man who slept through an entire Yellvis concert courtesy of Wind.

Time needed to be  ** _stopped._ **

“We could always do what Hyrule suggested at first and cut off his legs.” Wild suggested. At this point no one knew if he was joking or not, and decided to just ignore him and any suggestion he had. Except Legend. Legend whispered “hehe he’s going to die”.

“Why don’t we just destory him and his bloodline. Then Legend!” Hyrule declared.

“Stop suggesting we main, injure or kill him! Do whatever you want to about Legend though, that’s not in my jurisdiction.” Twilight shouted, far more offended about this than anything else they’d ever said or done to him. And that included reminding him he smelled like wet dog all the time.

“Asking nicely isn’t working so maybe we need to take drastic measures. If only we had more man-power.” Four suggested, reaching for the Four Sword. Blue was feeling awfully stabby today.

Despite him not understanding what Four really meant, a metaphorical lightbulb clicked on in Twi’s head. More man-power huh? He knew someone Time would  _ have _ to listen to. He knew who to call.

“Hey, old man. We have someone here to see you.” Warriors said, cringing as the loud thumping approached him.

Before either of them could get another word out a commanding voice rang through the air.

“TAKE THOSE AWFUL SHOES OFF YOUR FEET RIGHT NOW!!”

Time paled. Turning to Warriors he whispered, “You called Malon?!”

“Sorry Time but you left us no other choice.” Warriors replied, patting their leader of the shoulder. “Good luck!”

As Malon approached Warriors took off faster than Legend in his Pegasus boots jacked up on Pegasus seeds.

Needless to say, Time was back to wearing his normal boots on every subsequent day.


End file.
